The day to day life of the Enterprise CMO
by antra
Summary: You are not allowed to kill your patients even if they are common sense retardant
1. Chapter 1

**The day to day life of the Enterprise CMO**

_„You are not allowed to kill your patients even if they are common sense retardant"  
>Nothing belongs to me.<br>_

1.

The burly security officer looked down as fiery blue eyes mustered him.

It didn't really matter that he had perhaps double the weight and a whole head more height compared to Doctor McCoy, the man could be scary.

"Ensign Mbuta, I remember that we had this same situation before."

Mbuta cringed. Of course McCoy was right, it didn't make this easier.

The big man fixated on the tool selection beside the CMO, sweat pouring down his back.

Doctor McCoy softened up. "You know this only takes 10 minutes, Sahin."

The big man swallowed and finally opened his mouth. The faster he did this the faster McCoy got the broken tooth out and a new one in.


	2. Chapter 2

2.

Sigh.

There were moments when McCoy hated having a Vulcan on board. Like this moment, when said Vulcan couldn't even be bothered to follow his directions and sit on the bio-bed.

"Doctor McCoy, I don't require a medical exam. I'm perfectly healthy."

The southerner snorted. "Mr Spock, I'm the one that decides if somebody is healthy on this ship.

I looked over your work schedule and at the moment you are working both alpha and beta shift on the bridge and the rest of your time you are in the science labs for the experiments. According to this data you haven't slept in 3 weeks and barely ate at all."

Spock straightened his stance even more. "Doctor, I'm well aware of my physical boundaries. My Vulcan physiology does not need as much rest as a human." One of his eyebrows was up, the mimic translation of an inner Vulcan gloating about their superior physiology.

McCoy smiled wide. "Mr Spock, according to my reference material provided by the Vulcan Science Academy – Medical Division, you could probably do that, if there were need.

There is no need, Mr Spock. Your science personal is able to do the experiments themselves and there is no necessity to do two bridge shifts as standard. And even if there was the necessity, you would either need to sleep more or eat accordingly, you can't stop both.

Now you have two things you can do: One, you sit on the bio-bed, I will check you over, after that you will go eat according to the diet I will prescribe, you are allowed only one bridge shift a day and your lab time is regulated and off-time you can relax in your quarters, or, Two, you get the same thing plus a security detail following you every second for at least 2 months for being a danger to yourself. What do you choose Mr Spock?"

The Vulcan straightened himself, collecting his dignity. And sat on the bio-bed.


	3. Chapter 3

3.

McCoy mustered the new crewman. He had seen him just once during his initial medical examination after he came on the Enterprise.

"Nurse Chapel told me you didn't want her help but to talk to me." As a seasoned veteran in the medical field he had a good idea where this was going.

The crewman blushed. "Dr McCoy… you know… we had shore leave…"

The young man looked to the door to assure himself that nobody would come on the private exam room and finally dropped his trousers.

McCoy had had patients who woke up with all kinds of body art, some easier to reverse than others, with a wild array of VDs or damages either because of sexual acts or of repeated tries of working against anatomical incompabilities.

He didn't even blink as he scanned his patient.

"Crewman, what species was your partner?"

The young man blushed even more.


	4. Chapter 4

4.

McCoy looked up to see Lieutenant Arex before him. The Edosian was a rare guest in his sickbay.

"What is the problem?"

The Edosian just smiled gently and nodded down.

McCoy groaned. His patient stood on 2 feet, the third carefully lifted and his ankle was left in an angle that was certainly not natural.

He called for Nurse Chapel and helped the navigator to the next bio-bed.

"How did you manage that?"

"Fencing with Sulu."

And there stood Sulu in the background, he had been the one to bring Arex in and wanting to know how bad is was.

It wasn't as if this was the first fencing accident Sulu had been involved in. The problem of the pilot was that there was nobody else as good as him on the ship and while he was careful with novices he couldn't completely compensate the uncoordinated reactions of somebody else.

"You know Hikaru, you don't have to create work for me. I'm happy with an empty sickbay, let me tell you."

Arex laughed lightly, Sulu seemed to sink into himself even more.


	5. Chapter 5

5.

At the start of his career in Starfleet Leonard had decided that the most accident prone people were engineers. His posting on the Enterprise just made sure that he saw a wider variety of the same. Statistics didn't lie and because of that Scotty and him had worked out a system to discourage the engineers from injuring themselves.

"Ensign, you went to the Academy, didn't you? You really are an engineer, know what you are doing?

The small woman nodded. Then a tired sigh.

"How many points do I get for that?"

"For touching something you shouldn't without gloves?" McCoy consulted his Padd with the "Engineer Injury without Due Cause Penalties", commonly known as "Stupidity Points".

"12. You are lucky you came directly to me, otherwise you would have more."

He added the points to her former rating.

* * *

><p>Montgomery Scott looked up at the sound, the signal that somebody had had stupidity points added.<p>

At first all his engineers had been angry with him for collaborating with McCoy in this, till they realized how often they heard that sound.

Scotty activated his padd to see the official updated rating.

Perhaps it wasn't nice to make a mockery of people climbing the list but since they started this his engineers cut the number of their incidents down significantly.


	6. Chapter 6

6.

"Bones."

Even if he hadn't recognized the whiny petulant voice, this one word was enough.

It told him it was Jim Kirk and he was pretty sure he knew why.

"I'm busy."

"What did I do to you?"

"Nothing, Jim. You did something to yourself. And as your CMO it is my duty help you."

Jim's focused his old friend. "You are enjoying this."

A wide grin. "Sometimes this job has perks. This is one of them."

Captain James T Kirk, hero of the Federation, whimpered audibly.

"It's certainly not that bad."

"Jim, the last time I said something you explained to me you would manage on your own. I let you.

And then this diplomatic function happened and the whole time you wore your diplomatic uniform you had to draw in your belly. Face it, Jim, you need to lose weight. This is the easiest way."

The Captain took his diet card and sighed deeply.

He was certain Bones had nothing better to do on a normal day to plot against his Captain.


End file.
